Therapy With Zephyr and Lindsay
by JauntyJabberwocky
Summary: One Shot, with all classic rogues and of course Batman.That's right, I'm back, and this time I've brought a friend! Here to solve the conflicts between batman and the Gotham Rogues once and for all, see the choas that insues!


**Disclaimer, we do not own any of these characters except for ourselves. (That would be Zephyr and Lindsay).**

We enter the scene to find several of the Gotham rouges and Batman sitting in a room and waiting for their therapist to show up.

"So, Batsy, what brings you here?" The Joker asks casually. Batman doesn't answer.

"Didn't ya hear Mista J? The court ordered it!" Harley Quinn answered for him.

"Oh…so tell us, what's going on out there in the world you so cruelly locked us away from?" The Joker then asked dramatically. Just then, the door opened and everyone got a glance of their new therapist.

"You can't be serious…" Was all Batman could manage to say.

"That's right, I'm back! I knew they couldn't ignore my brilliance in psychology!" Zephyr declared loudly.

"And this is my assistant, Lindsay! Everyone say hello Lindsay."

"Hiya, doc Z and doc L!" Harley piped up with an enthusiastic wave.

"Alright, let's get under way with this!" Zephyr said taking a seat with Lindsay.

Batman had dealt with "Pirate Queen Zephyr" one time before, but this Lindsay person was someone new. Lindsay was about the same size as Zephyr in height and weight, but seemed to have a quieter and much gentler air about her. She had a Mohawk of red hair and wore plain jeans and a long T-shirt with long sleeves under it.

"Okay, for the next however long it takes we're going to be here having these sessions. The reason _you're_ here Mr. Batman is because I figured it would help. Well, that and I wanted you here." Zephyr explained.

"Aw don't you feel special?" Lindsay asked with a smile. Batman's only answer was a glare.

"In case you're all wondering, the whole point of these sessions is to deal with your issues with Batman, as well as to deal with Batman's issues with all of you." Zephyr informed. Batman could tell that Zephyr was trying to be very professional in this task, but he knew it couldn't last long.

"Why did they hire you?" Batman couldn't help but ask. He suspected that no one had really hired Zephyr at all, and that again she had simply slithered her way into a position.

"They hired me because I can relate to the rogues while still being able to keep just enough of a grip with reality. That, and because none of the other therapists here can get anywhere with any of the rogues, so they're hoping I might just be able to do a better job." Zephyr informed matter of factly. Great, so they actually did hire her this time.

"And you can't forget we're working without pay." Lindsay reminded.

"Oh yah, that too. Anyways, let's get started! I hope everyone's been well in my absence, though you've no doubt missed me when faced with this places pathetic excuse of therapists. Now, to keep things orderly, we're going to go one person at a time. Lindsay, who would you like to start with?"

After a very short moment's pause Lindsay answers,

"I like Poison Ivey, she's cool…"

"Okay, Miss Poison Ivey it is. Please introduce yourself Miss Ivey."

"Introduce myself? How do you mean?"

"Stand up and introduce yourself." Zephyr delineated.

"Okay," rises, "My name is Pamela Isley, more commonly known as Poison Ivey. My obsession is with the glory of mother earth." She introduced sitting back down.

"Hello Pamela, more commonly known as Poison Ivey." Lindsay and Zephyr say in unison. Then looking around at the others,

"They'll pick up on this in time." Lindsay figured.

"Yah, I hope so, otherwise we're going to feel very awkward." Zephyr breathed.

"Okay Miss Ivey, it says here that you were first emitted when you tried to plant more trees in the park…" Lindsay read.

"She wasn't trying to plant more trees in the park; she was trying to make the entire city overrun with deadly plants that would kill innocent people." Batman corrected.

"It says here that you were the one to stop her, is that correct Mr. Batman?" Zephyr replied.

"Yes, that's true. Of course I stopped her, someone had to." Batman replied.

"And how did that make you feel, Miss Ivey?" Lindsay asked gently.

"Well, horrible! I just wanted to make the world a better place, to give those innocent plants a chance to defend themselves from wretched people, but Batman just couldn't have it. What's worse, he had to throw me in here where I get little interaction with plants and all the interaction with people!"

"No!" Lindsay and Zephyr gasped.

"Yes!" Poison Ivey sobbed.

With a glare, both girls turned to Batman.

"Is this true?" Zephyr asked, still trying to keep a professional air about her. Batman's only answer was silence.

"I can't believe it!" Lindsay said, "All she wanted to do was to plant some trees in the park, to make this city just a little bit better, but no, you couldn't let her do that! What's wrong with you?"

"You tell him Lindsay!" Zephyr interjected with a proud smile.

"I mean honestly! In a city this filled with ugly people and ugly situations, there someone could go and see a magnificent and grand tree, larger than life itself. In comparison to this tree they realize how small and insignificant their problems are, and they see the beauty, and they decide that life is truly worth living! She could have saved that person from suicide!" Lindsay declared.

"Who is she talking about?" the Scarecrow asked Zephyr under his breath.

"Beats me, but it makes a great story…" Zephyr responded.

"Miss Ivey, I think Mr. Batman has something he'd like to tell you in light of this realization." Zephyr informed.

"Really," Poison Ivey asked looking up. Everyone in the room at this point turns to Batman expectantly. After a moment, Batman opens his mouth to respond.

"Yes? Go on!" Zephyr coaxed with a happy smile.

"I'm not going to apologize." Batman said, making everyone's hopes fall.

"God, you're such an ass whole!" Lindsay informed.

"It's okay, if he's not man enough to fess up and apologize for his actions, then there's nothing we can do except prolong these sessions." Zephyr informed, "They can go on as loooooong as needed."

"I'm sorry." Batman quickly said.

"What are you sorry for?" Ivey asked.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry for…um…not considering things from your perspective?"

"Do you mean it?"

"…Yes…"

"Then apology accepted." Ivey said.

"Yay, that went very well indeed!" Zephyr said clapping.

"Why isn't anyone else clapping? That was very hard for Mr. Batman to do; I think he deserves a round of applause for his progress." Zephyr informed. With a shrug, the others in the room applauded, making Batman sincerely wish he were anywhere else in the world.

"That went well, good choice Lindsay!" Zephyr congratulated.

"Thank you. Now who are we going to do?"

"Hm…How about," as Zephyr pondered as to which one to do next, the Joker waved his arms around to try to volunteer.

"Pick me!" he called.

"How about…"

"In a mumbled voiceHow bout the Joker, he wants to go!Back in his regular voice Oh stop, really."

"I've got it! Mr. Joker,"

"Yes, in your faces! Ha ha ha ha!!!"

"Mr. Joker, please sit down, it's Mr. Harvey Dent's turn." Zephyr informed writing something down on her clip board.

"Aww man!"

"Mr. Dent, please introduce yourself." Lindsay instructed with a smile.

"My name is Harvey Dent," He said standing up and flipping his coin, "But most of you probably know me as Two Face." He finished simply.

"Hello Harvey Dent, also known as Two Face."

"Hey, that time more people said it with us! Yay!" Zephyr realized.

"I told you they'd catch on in time…" Lindsay said.

"So you did, good call! Now then let's get started with…um…do you ever stop playing with that coin?" Zephyr asked. All the rogues plus Batman answered her at once,

"No, never does."

"And you make all your decisions with that thing, right?"

"Yes, that's right." Dent replied uninterested.

"Have you ever considered…" Zephyr started.

"Oh, great, here it comes, another person to ask him to loose the coin." The Riddler sighed shaking his head.

"…changing up the options you're choosing from when you flip the coin?" She finished, staring off into space, basically lost in a thought.

This stumped everyone in the room for a moment, and then they all looked at Dent for an answer.

"…What do you mean?" He asked, making everyone's heads turn back to Zephyr in wonder.

"Well, think about it, you usually have options like 'If it lands this side up I kill you, and if it lands that side up you live', right?" Zephyr continued.

"Yah, so?"

"Well, what if you made the options just a bit different? Like 'if it lands this side up I buy everyone ice cream, and if it lands that side up you bitches gotta buy your own'? See, the other therapist all want you to get rid of your coin, but that's stupid. The coin's a part of who you are, you can't get rid of it! So why not just change the options you're choosing from?" Zephyr explained.

"Hm…I don't know…" Dent thought.

"Yah or you could at least even out the options more. Like instead of having 'Tails you live and heads I shoot you', you could have 'Heads I shoot you and tails I buy you ice cream'. Even though not shooting someone is technically nice, buying them ice cream would be even nicer, and therefore a better option to complete your duality." Lindsay added.

"Why Ice cream?" Dent wondered.

"…Because ice cream's good…" Harley, Zephyr and Lindsay all answered.

"I see." Dent said flipping his coin.

"Did you try it?" Zephyr asked eagerly,

"Yup."

"And, what were you're options?" Zephyr asked.

"Scared side up I attack you and get placed in solitary, scared side down I just put up with this shit." He explained, causing Zephyr to grow wide eyed and Lindsay/ the Scarecrow to scoot their chairs away from her silently.

"Which side did it land on?" Zephyr asked, not looking at Dent.

"Scared side up."

"…OO…"

"Oh, did he hurt you Zephyr?" Lindsay asked when Zephyr returned.

"Only a little, time to move on!" Zephyr said with her usual enthusiasm.

"Can I go now?" The Joker asked.

"Sure, it's Lindsay's turn anyways." Zephyr said.

"Well you see, it all started when I was a wee lad…" The Joker started.

"It was the summer time, and I had just,"

"Sorry, but could you hold that thought for a moment? There's something I forgot to do." Zephyr asked.

"I've been waiting all this time for it to be my turn, and now you stop me mid sentence? I can't believe it! You know, it's not my fault that," As the Joker rambled on, Zephyr stood up, laid down her clip board and casually went over to the door. Then, still not loosing an ounce of professionalism or composure, she licked the doorknob and returned to her seat; at which point the Joker stopped talking and joined everyone else in staring.

"You were saying Mr. Joker?" Lindsay asked, obviously used to Zephyr's behavior.

"Who hired you?!" Batman asked in disgust.

"You know what, no! That's not the question you should be asking yourself right now!" Zephyr suddenly said, turning to Batman in anger,

"What you should be asking right now is why the hell didn't you do your job and protect me when Dent went violent? That's what you should be asking yourself right now, but no! That thought doesn't even occur to you if the situation involves something like me, does it? Just like with all the other authority members…" Mid rant Zephyr just started staring off into space for a good minute.

"U-oh, flashback, Quick Zephyr, snap out of it!" Lindsay said shaking her.

"Oh, right, sorry." Zephyr said, shaking her head and continuing to address Batman.

"We'll see you next session; for now the only thing left for you to do is get out. No, seriously, get out right now, go." Zephyr said pointing to the door.

Once Batman was gone, Zephyr turned her attention back to the group.

"Sorry to cut you off, Mr. Joker, but that's good for today. We'll start with you tomorrow."

"But before you go, we have something for all of you!" Lindsay said holding up a bag,

"We know how much the food must suck here, so we brought you something yummy and nutritious!" She informed tossing everyone large apples from the bag.

"And before you say anything Miss Ivey, I'd just like you to know that picking a few apples from a tree you grew yourself isn't that big of a deal, the tree still has plenty left and I can assure you no harm was done to it." Zephyr explained.

"Now we must leave you, but we'll be back tomorrow! Take care till then!" They said leaving the way they came (on a ship that sails on the road).

-What do we have planned for our next session? Find out next time on Zephyr and Lindsay's Therapy session!-

Hey, you! Have you reviewed yet? Well you should, so get to it! If you don't review then I'll sick my stoned Pirate Munchkins on you. They have the munchies, and when they do they tend to turn quite cannibalistic…so, yah! Review right now! Oh, and here's the rest of the story!

Chapter 2

The weather outside was rainy, and the only sound in the room full of rogues was the steady drumming of the rain on the roof. This was the second time they had been brought together since Zephyr had returned with her new assistant Lindsay, the second time they had to share the room with their number one enemy-Batman. As they all sat in silence (it was silent because the Joker had been placed in solitary confinement earlier), plotting ways to get Zephyr to let them hurt him again, or ways to get Zephyr to let them out again, Batman was likewise trying to figure out how he could get out of attending these meetings. Just then the door to the room opened, and in strode Zephyr (this time in a long black skirt that covered her feet and flowed around her, a black tank top, and a black overcoat with a white 'X' on the back) and Lindsay (who was still in jeans, but this time she was in a tank top that came down to fit her like a tight minni-dress).

"Guten Taug, are you ready for our next session? This time we brought ice-cream for all of you who behave!" Zephyr informed enthusiastically.

"Oh, and last time you guys were so boring; this time you should feel free to interject as often as- Um, Lindsay?" Zephyr started to inform before breaking off to look at Lindsay (who was sticking a syringe in a random guy's arm).

"Yeeeeeees?"

"I said interject, not inject."

"But you said…oh, sorry." Lindsay finally realized.

"What was in that anyways?"

"Cough Syrup!" Lindsay answered happily.

"Oh, well in that case it's okay!" Zephyr said finally taking a seat.

'That's it,' Batman thought, 'I can't let this go on any longer, I've got to get out of here, but how? Then it dawned on him.

"Okay, I believe we left off with Mr. Joker, so Mr. Joker?" Lindsay asked looking around.

"He's not here today, they put him in solitary." The Mad Hatter explained.

"Poor Mista J…" Harley sighed.

"Oh, well then I guess we'll have to move on to someone else. How about," Lindsay started to look around to decide, when suddenly Batman shot up out of his seat, pointing off into the distance.

"Look, the Batsignal! As much as I'd love to stay, it appears the city needs me!" He said dramatically.

"There aren't any windows in here." Zephyr reminded, throwing off Batman's escape plan. It took a moment of stunned silence (he wasn't expecting anyone to be that aware of the flaw in his excuse) before Batman came up with a response.

"I…I am the night." He said swirling his cape so it covered his head and heading for the door.

"Lindsay, it's time to interject." Zephyr said.

"Interject?" Lindsay asked, holding up a syringe with child like glee.

"Interject." Zephyr nodded.

Right as Batman got to the door, he felt something poke him. Looking out from his cape, he could see Lindsay standing there with a blank look on her face.

"That Robatusm should help you fight crime, and a nasty cold. Good luck on your most perilous quest!" Zephyr explained.

"Um…Thanks?" Batman then left, glad to be out of the loony bin.

"Why on earth would you help _him_?" The Scarecrow demanded.

Zephyr's only response was to grin at Lindsay, who grinned back.

"That wasn't Robatusm in that syringe, was it?" The Mad Hatter asked. Zephyr and Lindsay's grins grew wider…

Back at Wayne manor, Alfred brought up breakfast to Billionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne (Who everyone knows is Batman by night). However, when he first opened the door he had to take a double take on the room. There was Bruce, still in Batman costume, huddles in the corner by a large pile of fruit.

"I'm beginning to worry about you, sir." Alfred said going to open a window. The windows were covered and it was dark in the room, and when Alfred opened the blinds to let some light in Bruce started hissing and flapping his arms in an awful attempt to fly, which made him look more like a wounded animal than anything else. Alfred had always worried about these Batman antics, but it appeared now he was at his worst. There was only one thing he could do now.

"I'll call Arkham, sir." He sighed, picking up the phone as Bruce attempted to protect his pile of fruit…

"Hello everyone, it appears that Mr. Batman will be staying with us for a while, as in until his condition improves. I'd like all of you to make him feel welcome and at home." Zephyr informed everyone. All the rogues just glare as if to say, 'Not in a million years!'

"And also, please thank Lindsay for injecting him with Mad Bat Disease." Zephyr noted casually. At this point everyone applauded enthusiastically.

"Now then," Zephyr was about to continue, when she saw Harley waving her hand around, "Yes Mrs. Quinn?"

"What's Mad Bat Disease?" Harley asked confused. In fact, none of the others seemed to know what it was either.

"Mad Bat Disease is an illness that makes people believe themselves to be bats, despite obviously not being one." The Joker explained.

"Wow, really Mista J? How do you know that?" Harley asked.

"Simple, just look at him!" The Joker explained with his usual laugh.

Indeed, there Batman was in the darkest corner of the room, huddled up and using his cape as wings, hissing madly at the people staring at him.

"Mista J, you're so smart!" Harley said with a smile, earning a pat on the head from the Joker and an eye roll from everyone else in the room.

"At any rate, even with Mr. Batman's current state, we'd still like to try and continue with our lessons." Zephyr informed as Lindsay wrote something down on her clipboard.

"Zephyr, what do you think of my notes so fare?" Lindsay asked showing Zephyr her clipboard.

"Ah, very good, keep up the good work!"

"What notes, we haven't even started yet!" The Riddler pointed out.

"No, but Lindsay's drawing of the ideals floating around the room from all the individual people sums things up nicely. I'd buy it at an art auction!" Zephyr explained with a grin and thumbs up.

Everyone let out an exasperated sigh at this, while in then background the Joker had started to poke Batman with a stick.

"And Mr. Joker, please don't poke Mr. Batman with a stick." Zephyr added.

"Why not?" The Joker asked still doing it. Just then, Batman's teeth sank into the Joker's shoulder.

"Because it aggravates him." Lindsay explained without looking up from her intent doodling.

"Aaaaaaah! Get 'im off me, get 'im off me, get 'im off me!" the Joker yelled, flailing his arms around while the rogues laughed.

"Oh no, Mista J! I'll help you!" Harley yelled running over. But when she went to get Batman off the Joker Batman simply turned and attacked her instead, flapping his 'wings' in a bat-like attack. The Joker did nothing to help her; he just rolled on the floor laughing hysterically.

It was up to Harley's best friend Poison Ivey to help her now, but even she would have trouble getting Batman to back down in his primal state. At this point the Mad Hatter turned to the Scarecrow a bit worried,

"Don't you think we should do something?" To which the amused Scarecrow simply replied,

"Not quite yet…" For all chaos was in the process of breaking loose.

"It would appear you're loosing them…" Lindsay noted casually, standing up to join the now standing Zephyr.

"Not on my watch, only one thing to do now!" Zephyr answered. Pulling out a pistol, she fired it into the air, at last making the room fall silent.

"Damn, there goes my one shot…" She mumbled before addressing the room.

"Alright ye scallywags! Tend to yer positions or lashings ye'll receive!" Zephyr shouted.

"Yar!" Lindsay added with a giggle, tying a pirate bandana around her head.

At first, no one quite knew how to respond to Zephyr's commands, and they just stared at her. Then the random guy from before spoke up to break the silence,

"You know you're not a pirate, right?" he asked. This time the plain silence was replaced with a heavy one as everyone looked at the guy (who was oblivious to what he had done).

"Mutiny, what did he say?" Zephyr demanded, her back still turned to the guy.

"Nothing, he said nothing Zephyr! Remember our contract, we can't hurt our patients!" Lindsay quickly tried to reason.

"He said you weren't a pirate." The Scarecrow gladly informed.

"Oh…I see." Zephyr said as the air grew even heavier. Without a word, Zephyr pulled out a second pistol and shot the guy in the chest. The guards rushed in to pull Zephyr out of the room, Lindsay still attempting to calm her down, but in the end Lindsay could only stand there as a kicking and screaming Zephyr was dragged from the room. An Awkward silence hung in the air for a few seconds before Lindsay turned back to the room.

"Um, I'm terribly sorry about that, it would appear we didn't get any further on our lesson today. We'll have to try harder next time, yes next time. I really don't think this will affect our contract. So she shot someone, so what? No, there's no way they could possibly fire us, so we'll see you next time, okay?" Lindsay assured with a smile.

The next day Lindsay and Zephyr sat among the Gotham rogues, both in Arkham uniform. Lindsay seemed unaffected, but Zephyr had her arms crossed and was muttering something angry under her breath.

"Well Zephyr, look on the bright side!" Lindsay coaxed.

"What bright side?" Zephyr demanded.

"Well…you cool!" Lindsay said.

"I cool?" Zephyr asked in turn.

"You cool!" Lindsay insisted with a smile.

"No, you cool." Zephyr said.

"I cool? No you cool!" Lindsay insisted.

"We cool?" Lindsay paused to consider for a moment before answering,

"We cool!"

"Yay!" And they hugged in happiness while everyone else just shook their heads at the two.

END

So, how did you like it? Guess what, I still don't really care! (Not to say I don't want comments, I still loves the comments)! I wrote this for my sister Lindsay, we came up with it playing a 'what if' game in art class, because we were bored and had already completed our projects. Now, post a comment for my viewing pleasure!

Bonus Chapter!

Zephyr casually entered the Arkham Cafeteria, a still mad Batman clinging to her shoulder and hissing madly at people as they passed. Just then Harley skipped up to her happily.

"Hey Doc Z, where's Doc L?" She asked looking around.

"She has a visitor today." Zephyr explained with a shrug.

(Cut to a scene of Lindsay in the visitor's room. On the other side of the protective glass is a tall guy with blond hair and glasses who we'll call Banny for protective purposes- and so I don't get sued by the actual person. Both have their hands on the glass in silence, and hearts float around their smiling heads).

"Oh, that's cool. By the way, you're aware of that…thing on you shoulder, right?" Harley then asked, pointing at Batman (who then hissed madly at her).

"Yes, I like to think of it as an upgrade form a parrot. That's a good Batman." Zephyr answered patting Batman on the head and giving him a piece of fruit.

"You know you're not a pirate, right?" A second random guy asked. Harley looked at Zephyr, but was surprised to see a slight smile on her face.

"No, I don't think so; I'm not going to fall for the same thing twice. I have alternate means by now." She explained, earning a questioning look from Harley.

"Batman, sick him!" Zephyr commanded, and so he did.


End file.
